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Coffins & Coffee

by Wiggler !?! and the Tiny Humans

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As far as I can tell, life is a one way ride And there’s no compensation for options left aside These ephemeral moments lie on a vector path You can count the days and you can do the math But me? I live my life every day I’ll race you to the grave You’ve gotta live each moment to its fullest extent Don’t wanna wake up and wonder where it all went. Feed your metaphors, don’t hesitate! You can bear the weight if you don’t dare wait. And you? You live your life every day I’ll race you to the grave
Oh, in the time of lawless seas They brought the Empire to its knees On bearded wave, attack at dawn You’ll find your lives and lucre gone Yo ho ho, it’s a pirate’s life for me! Where the wind blows, nobody knows. Just point your sails. With cutlass drawn and frigates near Swallow rum and swallow fear And serve no king under the sun Sail away, blue horizons Come sail away with me, lad!
I’m building me a raygun, raygun I’m setting it to phase stun, phase stun I’m going out to have fun with it now I’m taking it to downtown, downtown Where the people like to mill ‘round, mill ‘round And it makes a really cool sound, buzz kapow Brother Tesla help me now I’ll show you why, you show me how These people are already stunned So we’re not really hurting anyone Brother Tesla help me now See them walking with a blank stare, blank stare A little crackle then some burnt hair, burnt hair Just wanna see you stand there a little while Careful not to burn your nice suit, nice suit Just wanna see you stand mute, stand mute And you know you’re looking really cute with that smile
I get ideas when I’m sitting in the dark Under the oak tree in the corner of the park How do I separate the science from the junk? How many bodies can I fit into my trunk? Piling bodies in the trunk Piling bodies in a nice, neat row Piling bodies in the trunk Stack ‘em up, it’s time to go You’ve got to use a bunch of tall ones for the base Pack in the small ones where you can to fill the space Use all the clean ones and reject the ones that stunk That’s how I pile up those bodies in my trunk It doesn’t matter where I find them for the stack Make sure they’re labeled if you want to get them back No disrespect to those who find their lives defunct I just like to pile up those bodies in my trunk
Derby Night 03:27
See the fans lined up at the gates See the girls lacing up their skates Thunder on the tracks is what awaits It’s derby night tonight See the jammer jamming down the track See the jammer juking through the pack See penalized for blocking to the back It’s derby night tonight In the middle of summer on a Saturday night Nobody ever turns to the right The foundations will rock to the rollers’ delight It’s derby night tonight See the seats labeled suicide Up and personal at the track side Get involved when skaters do collide It’s derby night tonight Second half and less than 2 to go Waiting for the fourth whistle to blow Then to the after party for the show It’s derby night tonight
Down in the woods there's no teddy bears picnic for you No stony, bony crones honing their phony stew This gingerbread house is a brothel to dark arts This ginger head louse will jostle two dark parts Hansel & Gretel’s home invasion in the woods Testing their mettle if they would it would do them good Switching witches where the rack of brooms stood Grab the children and shove ‘em in the oven The oven’s hot, you’ve got to put the oven glove on Another hot dozen for the lovin’ coven Baba Yaga makes the gingerbread rise On bony legs she waits for her surprise 4 and 20 blackbirds baking in her pies Dim the lights, it’s time to set the mood Scold the children for playing with their food Choosy choosers will choose who will be chewed
Hey, hey, hey bat caver girl You kick and pick the apple, vacuum and twirl I don’t like your maudlin bands I just like holding your hand Hey, hey, hey bat caver girl Hey, hey, hey new waver girl Use that crimping iron for the angled curl You don’t seem quite aware I like volume in music, not hair Hey, hey, hey new waver girl Bat cave, new wave, head shave girl! Hey, hey, hey head shaver girl Rock is what we do, and what you hurl Some things you can’t resist I just want to hold your fist Hey, hey, hey head shaver girl
One chord is all I need to establish rhythm at a certain speed And two chords, add one in Then back to the first chord that brought the win A third chord is extraneous, but that don’t matter to us, oh yeah One chord, as the cadence flows, helps us hold it down as the tension grows And two chords for variety Then back to the first for continuity A third chord is extraneous, but that don’t matter to us, oh yeah We don’t need more than one chord We only use them ‘cause we get bored Or as a little treat or reward for the horde One chord brings it back again, a different permutation of the same refrain Two chords, right on cue The first chord reappears when you’d expect it to A third chord is extraneous, but that don’t matter to us, oh yeah
Zombie girl from outer space, standing there with a strange look on your face Zombie girl from outer space, tell me how you came to be in this place Zombie girl from outer space, won’t you take me back to your home base? Zombie girl from outer space, so I can feel your otherworld embrace? Your ship crashed into the mountain side You reanimated ‘cause you died You’re my alien, undead bride And never shall our love be denied Zombie girl from outer space, let’s walk hand in hand at a moderate pace Zombie girl from outer space, you’re the girl with two memes interlaced


Nation of Wiggler!?! we present Coffins and Coffee.

Coffee will help you race to your coffin. It’s in your grave. So, load the bodies in the trunk, grab your retro lady and her ‘80s kit and head out to derby night while you still have time. If that ain’t your thang, maybe you and your zombie girl could land your UFO in the enchanted forest to drop in on the oven shovin’ lovin coven. Or maybe you and Brother Tesla could point your sails downtown to zap some mouth breathers. Just don’t bring a third chord. It’s extraneous.

Wiggler !?! and the Tiny Humans would like to extend our profound gratitude to Nikola Tesla, zombies, bat cave girls, crimping irons, quad roller skates, pirates, the open sea, polyamorous witches, guitar chords, outer space, caffeine, binary, Tiny Families and other various important mammals.

No zombies were injured during the recording of this album.

This LP is Wiggler !?! #10

Contact Wiggler !?! at erik@erikjbegg.ca


released November 13, 2016

Recorded at the Sewer Studio, Ontario in the spring and summer of 2016.
Cover art by: Mr! Erik
Lyrics are Mr! Erik's fault.
Music starts as Mr! Erik's fault, sometimes TinyBlueHuman's fault. TinyBlueHuman adds the swing factor, then the Tiny Humans arrange and desuckify until TinyRedHuman records it, adds sound effects, studio magic and extraneous guitar. Then, we share the blame collectively.

Wiggler !?! and the Tiny Humans are:

Mr! Erik - Hollerin’ & pluckin’.
TinyBlueHuman - Slappin’ & hollerin’
TinyRedHuman - Thumpin’ & hollerin’


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Wiggler & the Tiny Humans Lebanon

Founded in Vancouver, BC in 1993, relocated to Hamilton, ON from 2005-2017, and currently in Lebanon, ON, Wiggler !?! expanded to add the Tiny Humans in 2010. Then, the off beat punk rock lost the new wave flavour and picked up a rockabilly influence. Fast, high-energy, clever and very entertaining. ... more

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