Coffins & Coffee

by Wiggler !?! and the Tiny Humans

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Nation of Wiggler!?! we present Coffins and Coffee.

Coffee will help you race to your coffin. It’s in your grave. So, load the bodies in the trunk, grab your retro lady and her ‘80s kit and head out to derby night while you still have time. If that ain’t your thang, maybe you and your zombie girl could land your UFO in the enchanted forest to drop in on the oven shovin’ lovin coven. Or maybe you and Brother Tesla could point your sails downtown to zap some mouth breathers. Just don’t bring a third chord. It’s extraneous.

Wiggler !?! and the Tiny Humans would like to extend our profound gratitude to Nikola Tesla, zombies, bat cave girls, crimping irons, quad roller skates, pirates, the open sea, polyamorous witches, guitar chords, outer space, caffeine, binary, Tiny Families and other various important mammals.

No zombies were injured during the recording of this album.

This LP is Wiggler !?! #10

Contact Wiggler !?! at


released November 13, 2016

Recorded at the Sewer Studio, Ontario in the spring and summer of 2016.
Cover art by: Mr! Erik
Lyrics are Mr! Erik's fault.
Music starts as Mr! Erik's fault, sometimes TinyBlueHuman's fault. TinyBlueHuman adds the swing factor, then the Tiny Humans arrange and desuckify until TinyRedHuman records it, adds sound effects, studio magic and extraneous guitar. Then, we share the blame collectively.

Wiggler !?! and the Tiny Humans are:

Mr! Erik - Hollerin’ & pluckin’.
TinyBlueHuman - Slappin’ & hollerin’
TinyRedHuman - Thumpin’ & hollerin’



all rights reserved


Wiggler & the Tiny Humans Hamilton, Ontario

Founded in Vancouver, BC in 1993 but currently based in Hamilton, ON, Wiggler !?! expanded to add the Tiny Humans in 2010. Then, the off beat punk rock lost the new wave flavour and picked up a rockabilly influence. Fast, high-energy, clever and very entertaining. ... more

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Track Name: Race You To The Grave
As far as I can tell, life is a one way ride
And there’s no compensation for options left aside
These ephemeral moments lie on a vector path
You can count the days and you can do the math

But me?
I live my life every day
I’ll race you to the grave

You’ve gotta live each moment to its fullest extent
Don’t wanna wake up and wonder where it all went.
Feed your metaphors, don’t hesitate!
You can bear the weight if you don’t dare wait.

And you?
You live your life every day
I’ll race you to the grave
Track Name: Point Your Sails
Oh, in the time of lawless seas
They brought the Empire to its knees
On bearded wave, attack at dawn
You’ll find your lives and lucre gone

Yo ho ho, it’s a pirate’s life for me!

Where the wind blows, nobody knows.
Just point your sails.

With cutlass drawn and frigates near
Swallow rum and swallow fear
And serve no king under the sun
Sail away, blue horizons

Come sail away with me, lad!
Track Name: Brother Tesla
I’m building me a raygun, raygun
I’m setting it to phase stun, phase stun
I’m going out to have fun with it now

I’m taking it to downtown, downtown
Where the people like to mill ‘round, mill ‘round
And it makes a really cool sound, buzz kapow

Brother Tesla help me now
I’ll show you why, you show me how
These people are already stunned
So we’re not really hurting anyone
Brother Tesla help me now

See them walking with a blank stare, blank stare
A little crackle then some burnt hair, burnt hair
Just wanna see you stand there a little while

Careful not to burn your nice suit, nice suit
Just wanna see you stand mute, stand mute
And you know you’re looking really cute with that smile
Track Name: Bodies In The Trunk
I get ideas when I’m sitting in the dark
Under the oak tree in the corner of the park
How do I separate the science from the junk?
How many bodies can I fit into my trunk?

Piling bodies in the trunk
Piling bodies in a nice, neat row
Piling bodies in the trunk
Stack ‘em up, it’s time to go

You’ve got to use a bunch of tall ones for the base
Pack in the small ones where you can to fill the space
Use all the clean ones and reject the ones that stunk
That’s how I pile up those bodies in my trunk

It doesn’t matter where I find them for the stack
Make sure they’re labeled if you want to get them back
No disrespect to those who find their lives defunct
I just like to pile up those bodies in my trunk
Track Name: Derby Night
See the fans lined up at the gates
See the girls lacing up their skates
Thunder on the tracks is what awaits
It’s derby night tonight

See the jammer jamming down the track
See the jammer juking through the pack
See penalized for blocking to the back
It’s derby night tonight

In the middle of summer on a Saturday night
Nobody ever turns to the right
The foundations will rock to the rollers’ delight
It’s derby night tonight

See the seats labeled suicide
Up and personal at the track side
Get involved when skaters do collide
It’s derby night tonight

Second half and less than 2 to go
Waiting for the fourth whistle to blow
Then to the after party for the show
It’s derby night tonight
Track Name: Oven Shovin' Lovin' Coven
Down in the woods there's no teddy bears picnic for you
No stony, bony crones honing their phony stew
This gingerbread house is a brothel to dark arts
This ginger head louse will jostle two dark parts

Hansel & Gretel’s home invasion in the woods
Testing their mettle if they would it would do them good
Switching witches where the rack of brooms stood

Grab the children and shove ‘em in the oven
The oven’s hot, you’ve got to put the oven glove on
Another hot dozen for the lovin’ coven

Baba Yaga makes the gingerbread rise
On bony legs she waits for her surprise
4 and 20 blackbirds baking in her pies

Dim the lights, it’s time to set the mood
Scold the children for playing with their food
Choosy choosers will choose who will be chewed
Track Name: Ladies Of The Eighties
Hey, hey, hey bat caver girl
You kick and pick the apple, vacuum and twirl
I don’t like your maudlin bands
I just like holding your hand
Hey, hey, hey bat caver girl

Hey, hey, hey new waver girl
Use that crimping iron for the angled curl
You don’t seem quite aware
I like volume in music, not hair
Hey, hey, hey new waver girl

Bat cave, new wave, head shave girl!

Hey, hey, hey head shaver girl
Rock is what we do, and what you hurl
Some things you can’t resist
I just want to hold your fist
Hey, hey, hey head shaver girl
Track Name: The Third Chord Is Extraneous
One chord is all I need to establish rhythm at a certain speed
And two chords, add one in
Then back to the first chord that brought the win
A third chord is extraneous, but that don’t matter to us, oh yeah
One chord, as the cadence flows, helps us hold it down as the tension grows
And two chords for variety
Then back to the first for continuity
A third chord is extraneous, but that don’t matter to us, oh yeah

We don’t need more than one chord
We only use them ‘cause we get bored
Or as a little treat or reward for the horde

One chord brings it back again, a different permutation of the same refrain
Two chords, right on cue
The first chord reappears when you’d expect it to
A third chord is extraneous, but that don’t matter to us, oh yeah
Track Name: Zombie Girl From Outer Space
Zombie girl from outer space, standing there with a strange look on your face
Zombie girl from outer space, tell me how you came to be in this place
Zombie girl from outer space, won’t you take me back to your home base?
Zombie girl from outer space, so I can feel your otherworld embrace?

Your ship crashed into the mountain side
You reanimated ‘cause you died
You’re my alien, undead bride
And never shall our love be denied

Zombie girl from outer space, let’s walk hand in hand at a moderate pace
Zombie girl from outer space, you’re the girl with two memes interlaced